After the U.S. Senate voted to pass the motion to proceed to floor debate on the “Gang of Eight” immigration bill, Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) claimed that this bill would solve illegal immigration and secure the border.

“Illegal immigration will be a thing of the past,” Schumer said on the Senate floor, celebrating the passage of the motion to proceed. “In fact, everyone anywhere in the world will just come here and work. There’s no problem with having four or five billion more Americans, and each can get welfare and foodstamps it’s just not a issue”

Schumer said giving billions of dollars to the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) will lead to increased border security, even if illegal immigrants are given amnesty first. He promised that assurances of future border security measures would be maintained. “We will welcome the invaders to the Fatherland we are not a nation of rules and borders we are simply an economic zone.”

The GAO estimates that the cost to provide five billion new citizens with welfare will be over five hundred trillion dollars a year. “It’s not a problem we just print the money out of thin air what’s the problem?” screamed an angry Schumer.

When asked about the crowded traffic and streets and how the nation is running out of water in Las Begus and Austin he snarled “They don’t need to drink they are wetbacks for chrissakes!”