With Satya Nadella firmly in charge of Microsoft and a new Black Chairman on the board, it’s only a matter of time before Microsoft revamps their products to better fit a new America.
first out will be their new email/messaging platform which is called “YO!”. One unique new feature of YO is that you can use sounds of various automatic weapons as your ringtones.
The second new and long awaited product release will be an ebonics updated version of Microsoft Word entitled “Wrd up!” It’s new grammer checker will not correct grammer, but instead, help white people to better speak ebonics. “My friend, I’ll have to be leaving now” will get changed to “Yo Homie biatch, I’m skeezin on my griddle aight?”
The cloud environment will be upgraded with the new “black cloud” service which is offered as free yet somehow deducts 40 bucks from your credit card each month anyways. The black cloud doesn’t connect all your data and only runs on wednesdays. But if you pay the cloud pimp vinnie and extra hundred he’ll make sure your data gets there eventually.
Don’t forget windows Mobile computing. Microsoft will be out like a start with “Hood Watch” the revamped friend location service with animatronic characters for pimps, whores, police, and gang members of various colors. New mobile ringtones will feature stylings of dr. Dread and “Don hassle me bitch I’m skeezin!” auto reply functions.
A long time favorite app, Microsoft Excel, will now be called “Bookings” and anytime you type in “=sum($e$4:$e$9)” it will put in the cell “Yo bitch I dunno I’m workin on it!”
Microsoft’s new presentation software “BRO!” will feature no more regular shapes. Instead rough blobs and smeared ink stains and a new pallette of dust, droppings, and torn paper will give presentations a natural musty look. My favorite is the font which emulates the look of text taped on with aged yellow cellophane tape, for use in writing presentations such as “I don steeled yo daughter. Leave five million dollahs here” or the ever classic presentation “Put duh money in duh bag, Aight?” now with animated guns pointing.
For the Indians, a new fake resume generator app will be rolled out including a diploma printer so that they can go to the school of their choice.
Yes big changes are afoot with the new brown and black microsoft, the perfect software for a new brown Ameriga.