We were fortunate enough to track down Jim Smith, the last American software engineer to still be working in the USA. We met for lunch and Jim shared with us his secrets for surviving so long in an industry battered by a uncaring government determined to destroy all Americans who try to have a technology career.

CR: Jim, you’re a hard person to talk to!

Jim: Yes, well I’ve been quite busy, i’m constantly on the move!

CR: Getting assigned to different projects?

Jim: No, hiding in different cubes. If they can’t find me they can’t give me notice!

CR: Wow that’s a great strategy. Had no American ever thought of that before?

Jim: Well to be honest, I stumbled onto it. There are so many empty cubes where I work because the Indians only pretended to work and after a while they just stop showing up at all!

CR: What has been your biggest challenge in working with an industry that has decided to lay waste to our best and brightest engineers and replace them with people with fake degrees who couldn’t program their way out of a cracker jack box

Jim: Well the hard part is so many companies go under once they go Indian so it’s tough to stay working. Once the money is gone, these places are just empty shells with negative profits. Eventually they get bought up by a bigger company until we all end up at Oracle or Facebook. Unless of course you are NOT an Indian company, like Nokia, then they have to fire all the non-Indians and it’s quite a mess.

CR: Why do you think that the American MBAs decided to lay waste to Americans. Were the profits really that good?

Jim: Well at first they seemed to be, until companies like IBM found out that the Indians were falsifying all their profit statements out of India. Or Intel which found that thousands of Indians were outrageously abusing expense accounts and having lavish parties with manjushra dancers and bollywood stars every day. It was like one big harem.

CR: What does the code actually look like when it’s done by Indians. Does it work?

Jim: Well I got called in to take a look at Obamacare and I ran out screaming. It’s worse than just mispellings, its incomprehensible idiocy. Like to do language translation, they were downloading every word in every language all the way to the web brower, and doing that on every page load! Can you imagine! So of course, it took forever to load the page, when most users were using english anyways.

CR: How do you think you will adapt when finally they find you and you get outsourced by a H-1b ?

Jim: Well since they have infiltrated all the hiring agencies and recruiting companies as well, theres very little hope of ever working again. This was all done by the IRS ruling that American software engineers have no right to work for themselves.

CR: That’s crazy!

Jim: That’s the law! In fact we are the only profession singled out for slavery. And we can’t go to other countries to work because America will tax us if we work anywhere in the world. We can’t compete!

CR: But but, that’s slavery that’s not freedom

Jim: You’re just starting to catch on. How many new tech jobs were created in 2012? less than ten thousand. Yet they certified 577,298 LCA H-1B job requests. In one year! And now Obama is doubling that to let the wives work as well. It’s insane!

CR: Has any other country on earth ever turned against it’s citizens?

Jim: Well, all I know is normally when this happens the people start setting up guillotines. But americans are dumb stupid and fat and have not a clue what is going on. Ever seen a moth when it’s in a pupae stage, just a big bag of goo? That’s the average American. Our web is the endless propaganda on TV and the chemicals in the food and water. Until you break out of all of that, and at an early age, your brain is hopelessly changed to mush.

CR: How bad is it? Can’t you just tell Americans to stop it?

Jim: You can’t they are too far gone. I tried to tell them about fluoride causing brain and bone cancer and they just replied “everything causes cancer”  When I told them it lowers IQ their eyes just glassed over like they couldn’t understand.

CR: So what do you see happening now in the software industry now that Americans have all been put to death or made so broke they commit suicide?

Jim: It’s the end of innovation for most companies. None of the sharp startups have Indians that’s the last vestige where Americans try to eek it out. But the vulture capitalists have made it harder and harder for them to get seed money and get started so thats getting rarer and rarer out there. You basically have to be filthy rich to start a startup these days. Or go into podcasting.

<a group of Indians go by, Jim hides under the table>

CR: It’s safe!

Jim: God the smell, you never do get used to it.