OK Cast of characters:


aka the Donald, the Hair

Has declared bankruptcy many times

Wants to build a wall

Diagnosis: Will funnel many make work projects through Trump International and rename America Trumpica within 5 years


aka the annoying square, the pipsqueak

Makes even narcs uncomfortable

Cheated to get elected in Florida with dubious electronic machines

Diagnosis: learn how to play russian roulette if hes elected


Aka the Hewlet Packard Doomer, Chiptooth Chipmonk

the Fire Americans Hire Indians CEO

Angry and buried her child

Really wants big military (87 brigades!)

Diagnosis: Scares the F out of me. Will press the button faster than Hillary


Aka the other black dude, “I’m Not Obama”

Made it through medical school

Diagnosis: Conservative in a big rhino way


Aka Chris Chipsie, Cookiemonster muncher, Honey I ate the kids

Was a prosecutor. Likes to put people in jail

diagnosis: Will keep using the CIA to bring in cheap AFghanistan heroin just so he can arrest poor black inner city dealers who sell it


aka  Son of the cool guy, Libertarian-ish

Is a doctor, Likes to school the rest of the candidates

diagnosis: Will keep the borders open but defend the constitution.  If he ever finds his spine he would be the killer president and save america.