It was an odd affair. One day my struggling black neighbors came home each driving a Mercedes convertible. “And we just payed off the house”

“Wow, congratulations, you must have worked hard for that!”

“Naw, It’s PIGFORD baby, and it’s all LEGAL!”

Obama handed out $100,000 dollars to every black and hispanic who claimed farming discrimination in the country. Many of the farms were located in New York City (manhattan!).

No oath or legally binding statement which could get them in trouble. Just file the form. $200,000 bucks. Presto. The ruling was supposed to be for farmers who were denied loans based on race. But they didn’t even cross check the names to those who filed loans. The blacks who were denied the loans had terrible credit scores but that didn’t seem to matter.  It was 4.5 billions for blacks or they would get “uppity”.

Even “farmers” who never had a farm and never filed for a loan were given the money.

“Well, they might have THOUGHT of filing for a loan, but stopped because of all the rampant discrimination” screemed Twizzle Bitchstein, a Berkeley professor.

So I’m sitting here all weekend repairing my crumbling 20 year old fence, and looking at my neighbors brand new cedar fence, perfect, stained, gorgeous and I started to think, can I just declare myself black? Have things gotten out of hand?

“Ya’s TOOO LATE!” laughed my neighbor, “Yah had to do it under OBAHMAH”

In fact, they were so worried that some blacks might have missed the deadline, congress passed Pigford II.

So my question is, now that Trump is in office, do we not get Cowford handouts for whites? Why not? Can’t I file a discrimination lawsuit or something. I’m told I can’t.

My black neighbor sulked. “What’s wrong now?” I asked. “Still no money for reparations. Das what I’m waiting for. I can’t live in this small house!” “Reparations for slavery” I asked? “Das Right! And I want 500,000 this time, theres a lot of inflation between 1850 and today! I saw how I was treated in that movy Six Years a Slave.”

“You mean 12 years a slave”

“12 years, that’s twice as bad, give me a million dollars!”

I hung my head and walked away. What about the ten times greater number of whites who were enslaved by Moslem hoardes from countries like Greece and Italy? Do we get to go after Saudi Arabia? As usual whites get nothing but back breaking work, 8 million Indians with fake degrees on the H-1B visa to drive down our wages if we can even get a job anymore, and we’re just going to lump it (where is el Trump on that? Where’s our executive order? still waiting.)


This is the new America that all the douche bags protesting Trump have brought in. $200,000 bucks for blacks and hispanics, zero bucks for whites cause we have “white privilege” I guess its the privilege to get screwed and pay high taxes. Thats my goddamn white privilege.

And while I’m Kavetchin, tell me which one of these groups is NOT considered a minority, the 80 million Hispanics, the 50 million blacks, or the 9 million Italians.  If you said Italians you are RIGHT! Even though “Hispanic” is neither a race nor a country, it is on our US census, but Italian which IS a race AND a country is not.

I grumble and keep digging a hole for another fence post.



-The U.S. Senate is expected to approve roughly $4.5 billion Friday for a settlement between the Agriculture Department and minority farmers reached more than a decade ago, according to Senate sources.

The 1997 Pigford v. Glickman case against the U.S. Agriculture Department was settled out of court 11 years ago. Under a federal judge’s terms dating to 1999, qualified farmers could receive $100,000 each to settle claims of racial bias. No paperwork or supporting evidence is required to file a claim.

“This is much long overdue justice for black farmers,” said John Boyd, founder and president of the National Black Farmers Associati as he rolled in piles of 100 dollar bills laughing hysterically.

NOTE: This article is satire. Just in case you were an imbecile and couldn’t figure that out. But the truth about Pigford being a flat handout to blacks and Hispanics is true.