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[Update: Keef is out on bail after robbing his producer at gunpoint and a 500,000 bail bond. “Das Monkey Money no biguh”]

A new sensation is hitting the rap world. The musical genius of Chief Keef. We had a chance to sit down with Chief and talk to him about his lyrics.

 

“But if I get all in your back/Snap for me like a poet/Baby I’m a young Randy Moss/I can catch it long as you throw it/I just picked you up some Roses in the lotus/I just picked up spice full of potions/Just picked up a new scent from Barneys, baby/You know that I smell like I’m ballin’”

CR: Hi Chief! So great to see you!

Chief: Fuck dat shit niggah!

CR: Hell yah! So the rap world has been pretty good to you. You’ve made 20 million dollars already. Where do you get the inspiration for your brilliant rhymes? Like “A Fuck Nigga Thats Shit I don’t like, a Snitch Nigga That’s shit I don’t like”

Chief: I jus scream crazy shit when I smoke weed in my parents basement. Next thing I know I got 25 million Youtube hits and dese government boys are dropping off 20 million dollars for me

CR: Government Boys?

Chief: Yah the same guys who showed up at MTV that day they were featurin all my artistic genius

CR: Very interesting. We had some reader questions from the white audience. What exactly is a popped bitch is that a reference to pregnancy in the hood? Aight?

Chief: Naw, popped is popped. Dammn.

CR: And you don’t seem to like many things. What things do you like?

Chief: I like the big suitcases full of money! and weed! Shit if I knew I would be a millionaire for saying crazy shit I woulda done it years ago

CR: Well not everyone can say it how you do. So “Fredo in the cut” is your reference to “The Godfather” movie. Are you a movie buff?

Chief: Yah, I watch that shit like 20 times.

CR: So you have no concerts and no records to buy? You make all your money off YouTube?

Chief: That’sa new model. Youtube money and smokin weed.

CR: Sounds like it’s workin for you. Thanks for your time Chief we see big things from you!

Chief: Aight!

[Hook: Chief Keef]
A fuck nigga, that’s that shit I don’t like, nah
A snitch nigga, that’s that shit I don’t like, nah
A bitch nigga, that’s that shit I don’t like, nah
Sneak dissers that’s that shit I don’t like
Don’t like, like, don’t like, like

A snitch nigga, that’s that shit I don’t like, nah
Don’t like, like, don’t like, like
A bitch nigga, that’s that shit I don’t like, nah

[Verse 1: Chief Keef]
A popped bitch, that’s that shit I don’t like
I got a bad bitch, yeah that bitch right
We smoke dope all day, all night

You smoke Reggie, that’s that shit I don’t like
We got a fucking Audi, that bitch all white
Pull up on your bitch, bet she gonna like
Sosa bitch, yeah, I done gon’ hype
Pistol toting and I’m shooting on sight
A snitch nigga, that’s that shit I don’t like
Your bitch want do the team bet she won’t fight
Bitch, we GBE — fuck who don’t like
And we ain’t gon’ fight, our guns gon’ fight

[Hook]

[Verse 2: Chief Keef]
Fake Trues that’s that shit I don’t like
Fake shoes, that’s that shit I don’t like
Fake niggas, that’s that shit I don’t like
Stalking ass bitch, shit I don’t like
I done got indicted selling all white
But I won’t never snitch none in my life
I keep this shit 3hunna bitch, I’m going right
With my niggas when it’s time to start taking lifes

Playing both sides, shit that I don’t like
Wartime spark broad day, all night
Playing both sides, shit that I don’t like
Wartime spark broad day, all night

[Hook]

[Verse 3: Lil Reese]
I’m killing these niggas shit that they don’t like
Broski got the 30, he ain’t tryina fight
Got your bitch, I was in it all night
Fredo in the cut, that’s a scary sight
You not with the six you can die tonight
I only want the top, I ain’t tryna pipe
Them younguns with the shits they be toting pipe
Floating off at flat, I might take flight
3hunna bitch we hot, we done took flight
Taking shit down, we ain’t like the price
Thirsty ass bitches shit that we don’t like
OTFGBE yo bitch like

[Hook]

* this article is satire in case you are too dim witted to figure that out