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I was hoping for Scottish or Norwegian. Italian or French. But when my DNA test came back and said 80% Ugandan, I was shocked!

I’m black I’m really black! My mind went a spinning.

Now I could get HUGE heaps of welfare, free quick path for Disability approval. I’m learnin disabled naw y’all. Blacks have an 85 average IQ that makes all of us learning disabled! FREE MONEY I”M GETTIN DA FREE MONEY!

Of course it’s not just the free housing and free money, free college scholarships, and easy to get jobs, bein black puts a lotta pressure on ya with the ladies.

“I thought you were supposed to be hung like a horse” said my last beddie.

“Well I’m black, and you can’t nevah go back. Shut you mouth ho!” I held out my black membership card and she started to loosen up.

“Oh I could marry you” she cooed

“MarAriage? I’m black now Bitch! I don’ care abotu chillinz”

Soon I realilzed I need to increased my thuggin.  I got a 9mm and practiced shooting sideways. My new gold grills on my teeth said even though I miss a lot, I’m the real thing.

The hardest part was taking the Rap lessons. “I beeza weeza thuggin away you bitch shah bitch slap ya ho ass and get me muffin nothin”

It was harder than I thought. And of course I had to get all new clothes. My first efforts didn’t go over well the huge balloon pants I thought were tres cool caused bursts of laughter. “Sho Niggah, no ones worn those since the 80s”

But soon it was coming together. Still a word of caution, before you send in that cheek sample to the DNA analyzers, be ready for whatever result they come back with. A week later I got notified that it was all a mistake, actually I was half british and half austrian. I tore up the letter and burned it. Taking one look at the three bubble butt hos on my bed and the Courvosier on the table, I was home Baby!