north korean military

He’s been on the keto diet. Losing weight so he can fit into the crampt MIG-29 cockpit. “Amerwika? Shesa Goin Dawn” screeched the rotund leader.

When asked why the focus on Guam Kim replied “We call it the Peoples Island of Guam (PIG). It will be new holiday spot” said the young leader smiling.

Trump has vowed to respond with Power and Shock and Awe. Is Kim worried?

“You couldn’t even take Afghanistan. I’ve got 170mm guns on tanks. Your soldiers are fat and lazy, I’ve got three million soldiers willing to die for an egg-Mc-Muffin. Who you think will win?”

“Listen to me Fatso” replied Trump “We will respond with Power, Real Power”

“Why I scared of Trump? Obama that was one sick Mofo. He steal and Kill his own people. Hillary even scarier. She kill everybody. But Trump, He Ok. He like money just like me.”

“Why you make this seat too small. Put in new seat and we try again tomorrow” Said an exasperated Kim, pulling his huge girth from the small cockpit.

north korean military

When asked if Dennis Rodman might make him reconsider Kim replied “Rodman? He’s yesterday. Send me Kim Kardashian, Korean girl have no bum. Heh hess hee” laughing like a stuck pig fifth grader. All the generals chimed in with laughter then looked nervously at each other. It was ok to laugh, but not too much.

“Clintons I respect. Gave me Four Billion Dollars. And nuclear reactor to make bombs. They good people”

What were his thoughts on the Bush’s we asked. Did they have hard line diplomacy?

“Older Bush he scary Mofo, he killed Kennedy!” replied Kim. “Baby Bush, He a pussy. And I mean Axis-of-Evil who is he killing it was Israelis who brought down the twin towsers.  I no Axis Evil, I just do this to get the pussy” said Kim laughing, swigging from his ever present bottle of Cristal champagne as he climbed back into his limo.

Did he have any last words for Americans?

“New startrek better be good. Next Generation sucked. I hear the Orville will be best.  No more female captains. Women only good for one thing and it isn’t giving the orders it’s taking my …” (grasping his crotch)

Akh ARG! screamed the generals cutting Kim off. “No questinos more.  Now go visit our typical restaurant and shopping store which we have on every street in every town”

I sat down at my potemkin table.  Rice. Kimchi. Steak. Lobster. It was all there on the menu.  But poking behind the curtain, there was just one old guy and the wok was empty.  Much like Kim’s threats against America, I thought.