Schools are removing analogue clocks from examination halls because teenagers are too stupid to tell the time, a head teachers’ union has said.
Teachers are now installing digital devices after pupils sitting their GCSE and A-level exams complained that they were struggling to read the correct time on an analogue clock.
“Dah Little hand on the five, and Mhu CHeetos Are Soggity!” said one tenth grader trying.
Malcolm Trobe, deputy general secretary at the Association of School and College Leaders (ASCL), said youngsters have become accustomed to using digital devices but that doesn’t make much sense since most cell phones ALSO show analog clock faces.
“The current generation aren’t as good at reading the traditional clock face as older generations,” he told The Telegraph.
“Algebra, Higher order math and physics? These kids can’t read clocks or tie shoes!” said Tanesh Shawntavity a council member.
“They JUST STUPID. STUUUU-PID” said a janitor who wished to remain nameless but who could easily read a clock.
“They are used to seeing a digital representation of time on their phone, on their computer. Nearly everything they’ve got is digital so youngsters are just exposed to time being given digitally everywhere.”
Mr Trobe, a former headmaster, said that teachers want their students to feel as relaxed as possible during exams. Having a traditional clock in the room could be a cause of unnecessary stress, he added.
He said that schools are trying to make everything as “as easy and straightforward as possible” for pupils during their exams.
“You don’t want them to put their hand up to ask how much time is left,” he said.
“Schools will inevitably be doing their best to make young children feel as relaxed as the can be. There is actually a big advantage in using digital clocks in exam rooms because it is much less easy to mistake a time on a digital clock when you are working against time.”