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Finding her vote total still 2% too low to match her opponent, Stacy Abrams heaved a huge gutteral yell, dislocated her lower jaw like a snake, and to the horror of onlookers, ATE her opponent Brian Kemp.

“I do need no recount, I got re-teeth!” screamed a chomping Abrams. Soon it was all over, and a new electorial process was one for the books.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” – HL Menken

Lawrence-Hardy told the AP that Abrams will weigh legal considerations alongside her belief that many of her backers — particularly minority and poorer voters who don’t regularly go to the polls — heeded her call to participate and ran into barriers.

“They tries ta vote, but the RACISS Stop Em!”