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OH TSA Molestasauris we so love your groping. Grope our penises, our testicles, our breasts and our little kids private parts. It’s all to stop 9-11 right? Wait the government didn’t actually attack ITSELF just to get gropeathons through?

Well I was traveling and sure enough I got the mega gropetacular. First you stand in front of everyone while they squeeze all your justy bits. If an alarm goes off they haul you into the back room where things get really scary.

“Yust go through the machines” the abuealita whispered in my ear “Why donchu just go through the machines?”

Oh you mean the Chertoff ProVision 9000s that our former homeland security director made millions off of stuffing down our throat? Did HE do 9=11 just so he could force his dna fracturing devices on us?

“ees just like a pinch, you don’t feel nothings”

“You realize you’e all going to die of cancer, that these machines were never tested?” I ask them.

“We know. Jorge … he no longer here” said the mamacita sadly and looking down while she continue to massage my testicles as if.. this was all normal.

“Sir, we need to put these large balls up your ass to scan you”

“We juse extra greese it ok” said the abuelita.

“Go right ahead. What more can you possibly do..” I droned off. Wait isn’t there supposed to be an amendment that stops this horse shit? Yes, there is. The fourth Amendment.

I wanted to recite the fourth amendment and ask WHAT was the amendment that was signed into law that rescinded it to allow this? But I knew of course, that would surely make me miss my flight. “Pain compliance” it’s called. Cite the law and they think you are a terrorist. that’s the new America.

“OK the first ball set off an alarm, now we put in two balls” the abuelita smiled. The new ball was much larger than the first one. That’s it, I’m done. I stood proudly and began to recite STRONGLY…

The right of the people to be secure in their PERSONS, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

as the large ball was pushed up my ass. I guess we do need an amendment:

The right of the people to be secure in their PERSONS, Boobs, Testicles, Assholes, Groins and Naughty Bits, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

“No bomb senor, Juse OK to go” said the abuelita.