We are at the Austin Pro-Life march and met a strange short man giving out cards. He was so fascinating we decided to interview him.
PM: Hello Dr. GreeBI!
GB: Hello Patriot Mouse!
PM: So we see you are handing out cards and getting women to sign up. What’s that about
GB: Dis, dis is de Geebi card. Have 9 baby removals and the tenth one is on us. FREE!
PM: Baby removals? You mean Abortions?
GB: We don’t like to use that word. Our goal is to make our guest comfortable and the experience fun!
PM: Wow, that’s a different take on it. Planned parenthood makes it seem so solum and glum
GB: No NO! Why not have a PARTY! We give out those party blowers that make noise and put on party hats! Of course I still wear a mask and gloves. We even give the women a thai foot massage and facial before we begin. Soft music, and we recently installed a smellovision system.
PM: Smellovision? No way?
GB: Yes, yes, it’s the newest thing. Pine forest? Day at the Beach? Or Garbage pit in Delhi we can do it!
PM: Surely all this must cost a fortune!
GB: Yes we are a premium service, but its these women’s big day! Why not?
PM: Tell me more
GB: Well we do ultrasound of the baby and create a 3D map of its face. Then we put that into a nano-SD card and that goes into a necklace. You never are without your loved one! For a small fee, we can print you a 3D Lithophane of the photo for your bed table.
PM: So they don’t ever get post partum depression?
GB: The only thing we want to part from them is their money! We also offer a premium preservation service. Basically we remove the organs to sell on the black market, then we put the remaining baby into a formaldehyde solution and all this fits into a tiny jar which the woman can put beside her bed. There’s a small light underneath so whenever she wishes she can talk to her baby. We find this really helps.
PM: So that’s amazing. And the full service is less than $1000
GB: Yes yes, no more of these back alley removals, our removal service is second to none!
PM: And youa re a real doctor?
GB: Yes I trained at Iran Mustafa Medical School and I’m Board certified to work in the USA. Oh I miss those days, those russian made vacuum cleaners could really suck! I’m talking power. Can’t get stuff like that anymore. At least not in America.
PM: It sounds fantastic. Have a lot of women at the march shown interest?
GB: Many we ran out of our get nine removals get 10th baby free cards! We are booked ahead for many months but don’t worry, the new laws let us do baby removals up until the 30th trimester.
PM: Thank for your time Dr. GB
GB: No problem
[As he drove away we noticed he had a late model silver cloud. Ah business is good. At 1000 a pop and performing 20 a day, the guy is making millions]