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3 darkies follow the blonde 16 year old girl cursing at her as they herd her down a dark alley. One pounces and grabs her arms  holding her down. the other pulls off her jeans.

“What… what dis Smell” screamed the Darkie

“ITS BACON” said the teen girl, spitting on her attackers face.

“Bah … Bacon? RuN AWAY RUN AWAY”

Tinsi Skolmather is a 15 year old teen who started her whole classroom wearing the bacon underwear. The boys in the classroom couldn’t figure out why it suddenly started to smell like breakfast. “I haven’t been attacked yet, but I am just waiting to scream out BACON, IT’s BACON to the muslim rapists and see how they react.

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Tinsi’s classmates couldn’t figure out why it smelled like breakfast in the classroom

Muhammad Al Bind, a mullah in Helsinki said he wasn’t certain if  it was a violation of Muslim code to rape a girl wearing bacon impregnated underwear. “Certainly there is pork, but is the woman unclean?”  A group of mullahs began to argue.

Now available to all swedish women as protection of last resort: https://baconsalt.3dcartstores.com/Bacon-Scented-Underwear-for-Women_p_215.html

 

 

baconpan

 

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Last year, we used advances in bacon-scented printing technologies stolen from NASA to bring the world Bacon Scented Pillowcases. Millions of people are now having Sweet Bacony Dreams.

This year, we’re using the same stolen NASA technology to bring you a new, even racier innovation: J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear. Marrying the ultimate in comfort and cured meat, J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear represents the gold standard of meat-scented luxury undergarments. It’s like a hot frying pan in your pants.

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Science tells us that 45% of Canadians prefer bacon to sex – and now new generations of Canadians won’t have to choose. Because with Bacon Scented Underwear, you won’t know where breakfast ends and your lover starts.

Our legal team has advised us to post the following warnings:

  • If you have a large dog with razor sharp teeth, please do not fall asleep in J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear.
  • J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear is not recommended for people in the following professions: mail carriers, zookeepers, veterinarians, dog catchers and walkers, and circus performers (especially lion tamers).
  • If you are hiking in the woods where bears are known to roam, please do not wear Bacon Scented Underwear without also carrying a firearm.

Some notes about caring for your Bacon Scented Underwear:

  • Stolen NASA technology means that the scent of bacon is embedded in the ink. Thanks NASA!
  • The smell of bacon will last through multiple wash cycles and wearings – depending on the number of wearings and (ahem) strength of your own scent, your underwear should continue to smell like bacon for up to 6 months or even a year
  • When washing Bacon Scented Underwear, use unscented detergent, wash separately in warm water, and air or tumble dry.