Homeowners pitched in $200 bucks each to buy 35 giant boulders which stretch across the sidewalk. The goal is to keep homeless away.
The giant boulders are too hard to lift. One homeless man pitched his tent anyways – “Yah its a bit lumpy, but it beats going to the shelters”
Other homeless pitched tents blocking the sidewalk off altogether.
“We Gotsda Ocean View, Ocean Breeze, Bridge View. This is paradise man” said a vagrant who goes by the name SLIMBO.
“They try and stop us, but we’ll put our tents in the streets before we leave San fran Shits Ko” said Crusty McGibbons, a local homeless person and activist.
Another street has stepped up its game, putting in 5″ spikes all across the sidewalk. “Yah it makes walking tough and dangerous, but it it keeps the poop away its worth it”
The new spike systems can be left flat in the daytime, then raised at dusk.
In one of San Francisco’s roughest neighborhood, neighbors have chipped in to pay the “Tenderizer” who drives his truck with studded tires over the tents at exactly 6PM.
“They know I’m comin! They only make that mistake ONCE!” laughed Fiddles O’Poon, the driver of the Tenderizer. “Well I make a good living, almost a thousand a day for my services. By the second week, there’s not a homeless tent in sight, they get the message. I post pictures the week before so they know I’m coming. Word gets out, don’t mess with the tenderizer!”
“Yes, it’s a bit gruesome, but it’s safer than putting spikes on the sidewalks” said Amanda Jones, a Potrero Hill resident.