PM: Ambassador MI!
HM: Hu Mi ?
PM: Yes you! Are you happy with the mini trade deal?
HM: No time to talk, now time to eat. Mmmmmm silken tofu. MMmmmm Xia Su Bao bbq pork bun. Mmmm munch munch munch. been soooo long. Tooo long. munch munch munch
PM: you look like you are starving
HM: China can eat 50Billion in pork and soybeans. Easy. OMG north korean pigs too lean you have to chew for two hours on one bun! American best pork on earth. Because American pig so fat, like Americans. Ha ha ha!
PM: But what of the criticism that the key issue of intellectual property rights has been delayed to phase 2, or even a phase 3.
HM: No concern of mine. For now, it’s eat like a pig cause were eatin pig! (stuffs face) Twump? He give China EVERYTHING. Heck we wanted pig and tofu. What did we give up? Nothing! No more tariff, no intellectual property rights no open markets. What you call that? I call that losing!
PM: Isn’t this just a ploy to SAY they have reached a deal when the reality is Trump has removed the tariffs without reaching his goal of property rights?
HM: We take financial companies. 100% foreign owned. You sell us juicy mutual funds, we eat pork. What problem?
PM: But our manufacturing cannot open new plants in China or you will take their tech!
HM: China already took all tech. Ewectric Car? Check. China releasing new Tesla we call it the Mao-sa. Faster than Tesla and cost half as much. Drive too fast or tell winnie the pooh joke and electroshock on your balls.
PM: Additional tariffs are suspended. For now, its happy american farmers and fat chinese stuffed with Xio Bao! It’s a win win!
<angry chinese man enters room>
Chairman Cui: Mi you lazy piece of dung. What are you doing stuffing your face we have more work to do to undermine American culture, edit Hollywood scripts, and send money to the Democrats. Get off your ASS! Biden is never going to win, get our Billion back from Hunter and see if any of the Trump children will take his place.
HM: But Twump children already rich? We no can cowwupt!
Chairman Cui: MI you excuse ridden dung beetle, if I hear one more excuse I’m sending you back to china with a Winnie the pooh mask superglued to your face.
HM: Sowwy sir Sowwy sir (stuffing pockets with xiao bao) I was … just being interviewed about our good news. I get wight on it. Cowwupt Americans… Must Cowwupt… oh tasty pork… tasty bao… tofu so silky now that not made from Tibetan cow beans.
Chairman Cui: Good news like bad fortune cooky, Who cares just eat more. Phase one mean China Win everything. Phase Two mean China BUY everything. Phase Three mean China RUN everything. Trump weak. China strong. <kicks MI in the ass as they walk out the door>
PM: Thank’s Chairman Cui, Ambassador MI. Thank you for the interview <PM secretly hands Mi a bag of Xia Su Bao as he walks out the door. Mi smiles and waves thank you>