Riyadh (AFP) – Saudi Arabia has abolished flogging as a punishment, the state human rights commission said Saturday, hailing a “major step forward” in the reform programme launched by the king and his powerful son.
Court-ordered floggings in Saudi Arabia — sometimes extending to hundreds of lashes — have long drawn condemnation from human rights groups.
“It’s a sad day, my friend Muhamaded was one of the most famous floggers, millions would subscribe to his channel. Now, (sniff) he is out of work”
It’s a trend that’s been going across the flogging world. Saudi flogger “wicked left” named after his super powerful left hand was told that he would have to wait for the flogging to reoppen. “I wait and I wait, but who knows, I may be out of work forever.” He has been studying beheadding but it’s a closed circle. “You basically have to know someone who knows someone to get in, it’s a very secretive line of work, but very secure. Saudi will never stop beheading” In the meantime wicked left is attending beheading school and practicing on watermelons. “You have to have hope!” said left.
But they say the headline legal reforms overseen by Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman have brought no let-up in the conservative Islamic kingdom’s crushing of dissent, including through the use of the death penalty.
“What will we do in the afternoons now! The malls are boring!” sad Rahamma Bin-AMullah.
The state human rights commission said that the latest reform, which was reported by Saudi media including the pro-government Okaz newspaper, would ensure that no more convicts were sentenced to flogging.
“This decision guarantees that convicts who would previously have been sentenced to the lash will from now on lose a few fingers or prison terms instead,” its chairman, Awad al-Awad, said.
“It’s very generous!” said Saudi prisoner Akbin Muhammed, as a huge knife came down and took off 2 fingers. A woman quickly wrapped it while the chopper screamed out “NEXT” to the long line.
Previously, the courts had powers to order the flogging of convicts found guilty of offences ranging from extramarital sex and breach of the peace to murder.
In future, judges will have to choose between fines and/or jail sentences, or non-custodial alternatives like community service. “I took a job rounding up feminist women in exchange for one more finger I get to keep. In two months it will be like I was never convicted” said a smiling Mustafah as he pushed a long line of bound and gagged women into his truck.
– Blogger flogging –
The most high-profile instance of flogging in recent years was the case of Saudi blogger Raif Badawi who was sentenced to 10 years in prison and 1,000 lashes in 2014 on charges of “insulting” Islam.
Update: Wicked Left has arrived for his first beheading. The crowd is restless. the tension is high. A woman who has committed adultery by being raped has been sentenced to beheading. She is led to the tree stump and tied down. Wicked left is wearing a black mask and lifts the huge sword. The crowd starts to chant – left Left LEFT! He raises the sword high and WHOOMP.
“you idiot!” screamed his teacher. Left has cleaved the woman’s arm off!
“100 more watermelons for you!” said the teacher, lifting his beheading ax and quickly removing her head.