Los-Angeles-Lakers-2000-Team-Robert-Horry

Jigaboo Simms ain’t happy.

“DAMN man, I gotta buy that new million dollar McClaren. I was countin on the bailout!”

Simms, who earns 30 million dollars a year as a relief center for the Lakers, is typical of the struggling basketball team who applied for and RECEIVED millions from the corona small business bailout.

The Lakers, as ESPN reported on Monday, received $4.6 million in bailout funds from the federal government as part of the $349 billion Paycheck Protection Program meant to backstop struggling small businesses sideswiped by Covid-19. The Lakers operation has fewer than 500 employees, which qualifies it as a small business under the government’s aid guidelines. But the Lakers hardly seem as immediately vulnerable, or without access to other resources, as, say, your corner grocer, baker, barber or dry cleaner. The Lakers, undoubtedly aware of a wave of recent disclosures about unlikely companies receiving PPP funds, told ESPN it returned the $4.6 million.

“Damn I still want that fast car” shrugged Simms. Someday. Oh someday.