Dear PM, 

I’m on FIRE! I am a 34-year-old from Connecticut and have been dating my girlfriend, whom I love, for two years. I am considering getting married, but I have financial concerns.

I have been participating in the FIRE (financial independence, retire early) movement since I was 23 years old. I want to be able to retire by the time I am 40, and hope to do so by earning $80,000 to $100,000 per year. I have been buying investment property and saving aggressively since I joined the FIRE movement.

I currently have investment properties that generate $60,000 per year of income, about $200,000 in a 401(k) and another $250,000 in personal investments. I plan on paying off debt and purchasing more properties to reach my income goal by 40.

My girlfriend, who is 32, does not share the same financial goals. She is not bad with money (no debt besides a car loan), but despite being a successful and hard-working woman, she is not a saver. She just started contributing to a retirement account last year and has very little savings and no investments.

She also enjoys spending money on non-essential items — that is, she recently bought a $37,000 Mercedes despite my efforts to get her to buy a more practical vehicle. Neither one of us currently has children, but we would like to have kids someday.

Whenever we discuss my potential early retirement she asserts that she should be retiring with me, despite not really saving for it. She tells me that my retirement income should be to support my (future) family. I actually agree: When I started participating in FIRE, I did assume this money would be used to support my family during my early retirement.

I also assumed my future wife would participate in the saving phase, not just the spending phase. I respond by telling her that if she plans on retiring early as well, then she should start saving toward that goal. If she does not want to retire early (and start saving), then she should plan on just continuing to work. My biggest concern is if she does not contribute to the saving phase, she will not have any appreciation for the early retirement and, ultimately, spend us back into employment.

I love my girlfriend very much and can definitely see a future together. However, I have always been very prudent with my money habits, and she has not. These financial discussions are becoming redundant, and we never can get to place where we see eye to eye. This is causing strain in our relationship and pushing “happily ever after” farther away.

I want to get on the same page as her so we can move forward with our relationship. I am hesitant to propose with these money issues lingering. Am I being overly protective of my financial goals, or is she out of line for expecting to enjoy the benefits without making the sacrifices?


Concerned and In Love


Dear Concerned,

Your girlfriend is a slag. Shit Loser Aggravating Girl

She is just out to divorce rape you and take 90% of your current savings and over 70% of your income FOR LIFE.

If that’s a good deal to you, then take her up on it. Otherwise do what most smart Americans do in the age of feminsta hell and run for the hills.

Here are some suggestions:

Sorry Hon, I’ve realized I’m gay. Have you met Donny?

Oh crap, I’ve lost everything in the stock market crash, you will stick by me wont you?

[wear a bed sheet held together by clothespins]   I’ve donated all my wealth to the hare krishnas. I will now become a vegan and spend my life in poverty. We live mostly on cabbage you do like cabbage don’t you?  The club house meeting is friday I expect you to be there they say they are excited to get your Mercedes. Bring the title.


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