Hi It’s Rick here and I’m live as the clock is about to strike noon and the police will be permanently out of the job.

<sound of bell ringin>

“So what do you see on the street John?”

“Well, all of the businesses and grocery stores have already shut down, there was a steady stream of trucks leaving the city. Looters are walking around puzzled that there’s nothing left to loot”

“Wait, I’ve found a group of Black Lives Matter. And apparently they have murdered a large group of spoiled Antifa members. All the men are dead. The women who are pretty have been put into chains and are being led into trucks. Sir Sir what are you doing with these women?”

“Deys our bitches now” said the BLM member.

“Please save us” screamed one lithe blonde girl.

A few fat hippo Antifa chics looked depressed no one took them.

“Rick Here, there’s news that the Mayors bunker is about to be breached. She’s called the national guard, but after being thrown out of their hotel rooms they aren’t responding.

Meanwhile in the northern part of the city, the Bugaloo boys have been busy as truck after truck from home depot carrying cement and construction blocks arrived. Back to John on the street:

“Sir, what are you doing sir?”

“Were closing off this road from New Minneapolis. We are now our own city with our own citizen police force. And many of the banks and grocery stores, bars, and businesses have moved to our city. We’ve even hired most of the police officers who lost their jobs. But there’s no entering out new city from Minneapolis”

“Wait, the city council has just been notified that there are NO tax reenues to pay their salaries, or even rent for their buildings. They have been disbanded. A new all black council of the people has just invaded the building with AK-47s. IT looks like a new mayor has taken over”

“I am Mayor MButu ShaBootay. Crack is $10 a pack, Heroin is $20 and Whores cost $10 an hour. We control all food in the city. An apple is 20 dollars and a frozen pizza is $40 bucks. We are proud to celebrate our new free city!”

“This is John back at HQ. people are coming out from their apartments and looking at the emptied out city. Many wonder where they will get food, prescriptions, shoes. It’s all gone now. Most are loading up into cars and leaving the city as fast as they can. Of course that means there’s no tax for a government, it’s going to be a free for all zone down there”

“Samantha here down on the east side. Things are getting dangerous here. People are only traveling in small groups with machine guns. You don’t see any normal people out on the streets. Wait, one boomer is out for a stroll with his dog. They’ve surrounded him. Someone call the police! Wait there is no police! What’s that – the shirt he’s wearing? “Black Lives Matter” Oh the Irony on this one. Back to you John”

“John here, we’ve got an update. Large groups of black men are rounding up the large white antifa gals. They are carrying signs like “Fat is beautiful too” we’ve got reporter Samantha Cunningham to give us the details:

“Are you happy that you’ve finally been selected”

“Yes we’ve been saying that Fat is beautiful. And now it’s TRU!”

“John, we see them getting the same locked in chains together treatment that the first girls got. Wait I’m approaching the head person. Sir Sir, so you do accept Fat is Beautiful and want these women?”

“Oh lawd Yes, Mo’s Barbeque finds them beautiful, and delicious! With the new food crisis we can’t let them go to waste!”

John – “OH THE HUMANITY, the HUMANITY”


Well I almost got it right. In Seattle Rapper “RAZBU” declares himself mayor. Looks more like mayor douche-bag to muh.