Patriot Mouse

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Rising Fuel Prices Makes Free Cremation Too Expensive for Government

One more side effect of rising fuel prices – the cost of cremating a body has risen through the roof. What ten years ago was a simple hundred dollar fee has now pushed well into the thousand dollar range. “People don’t realize this but you have to use a lot of natural gas to cremate a human body. It’s costing us a fortune”

The government’s old policy of free cremation for the indigent is no longer possible. And free burial plot in beggars graves simply doesn’t work, land is too precious. The end of these free services has prompted an outcry for a replacement.

“We’ve come up with a solution” said Derek Givingston, Ministry of Death secretary. “The dead bodies are fed to packs of wild hounds. Within minutes the hungry hounds reduce the corpses to a pile of bones. We just crack the head and stomach open, the dogs do the rest”

Everyone has to be efficient as possible now that Obama has forbidden coal and oil power plants and natural gas drilling. Gas pipelines are now outlawed as well. “There are always unforseen consequences” said Givingston, “but at least the dogs seem happy”

[elements of this article are satirical]

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